Top Totty: Sarah Beeny and Kirstie Allsopp (an Internet Traffic Experiment)

First of all I must apologise for The Sun-esque title of this piece. It’s not my style to be gratuitously lewd but you’ll catch my drift in a bit. Last month (see post for April 15) I made mention of changes in UK popular culture since I left for the USA nearly 4 years ago and specifically how certain people had since risen to prominence. Two individuals I mentioned were Sarah Beeny and Kirstie Allsopp. I had absolutely no idea who these women were except that incorrigible blogger, Scaryduck, keeps referring to them in a way that involves improbable fantasies with large quantities of baby oil (and I think he mentioned a melon on one occasion). Now it seems I am not the only one in the dark as several readers appear to be equally clueless but all I can say is that I’m getting an awful lot of hits from Google searches for this pair. And all because I casually mentioned their names! So I thought that this post would serve two purposes: (1) It would enlighten readers who have somehow missed out on the ascendance of two Brit TV celebs and (2) It’s a cheap way to increase my site traffic!

Thus let me explain, courtesy of Google, Amazon and IMDB.

Sarah Beeny

Ms Beeny, it seems, is the host of a couple of TV shows on Channel 4 (From House to Home and The Property Ladder) relating to, err, property. Now I have no critical insight into the quality of these shows or really of Ms Beeny herself. There are one or two photos on the web that suggest she is indeed pleasant on the eye and FunJunkie makes reference to her feminine charms in a marginally flattering way. I suspect she’s quite bright and has books published and available here. I can’t find her biography though so that’s about all I can say.

Kirstie Allsopp

Funnily enough this individual is also a Channel 4 presenter who knows a thing or two about real estate. What’s with that? –as they like to say over here. Well I’m not sure but it doesn’t seem to be a coincidence. The Channel 4 site lists several other posh looking uberbabe types who present property programmes. Other names salacious internet cruisers may want to check out include Naomi Cleaver, Melanie Cantor, Victoria Hollingsworth, Simone Bienne, Zilpah Hartley, Seetha Hallett (look, I’m not making these names up –just look for yourself) and Jasmin Harman. Oh, and I suppose I should mention that there are two or three male presenters but they all look like dreadful wide boys and are quite unremarkable. So back to Ms. Allsopp. She appears to be more than a bit sloaney. Her father is Lord Hindlip, the former chairman of Christie's. I’m not sure how bright she is (she left Bedale’s with just a handful of GCSEs) but supposedly she’s studied architecture and design quite extensively. The Guardian referred to her as a “dykon” (ghastly word) because of her penchant for high heels and a tendency to be bossy.

So there you are.

To those previously in the dark, I hope this helps. To you sleazoid net cruisers, sorry this wasn’t very exciting –and please don’t touch anything around here without first washing your hands.

This has certainly been an edifying process for me: I’m still trying figure out how Channel 4 can broadcast so many shows on houses. Maybe the British have turned into a nation of property speculators?

Now I’m going to sit back and see what happens to my site hit counter.