Oh Bugger, Now I'm Never Going SCUBA Diving

A poster for the 1954 Oscar winning, Disney Film, 20000 Leagues Under the Sea

Following this news report in the week, one of my lifetime goals, namely to get SCUBA certified, is very much in doubt. Ever since my childhood, when I watched with rapt attention Kirk Douglas, James Mason et al. do battle with a giant sea squid in Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, I've been terrified of the idea of such things lurking below the surface of the ocean. I don't much like the idea of box jellyfish that can kill an adult human with a few picogrammes of poison (to non-scientists, that's a very, very, very miniscule quantity) sea snakes and other such slippery, slimy creatures. But the giant sea squid has always been the king of nightmare monsters. Until now I've always taken refuge in the thought that these things didn't really exist and were the stuff of fiction. Well guess what? Not only are they alive and kicking but every bit as aggressive and scary as anything dreamed up by Jules Verne/Walt Disney. Bloody hell, just take a look at this thing:

Photo by T. Kubodera and K. Mori. The squid (Architeuthis) attackes a baited line.

The picture was taken at 2,950 feet (900 meters) beneath Japanese waters near the Antarctic, where scientists attracted it toward cameras on a baited fishing line. Yikes! So I think that's it for SCUBA training. Sharks and such don't bother me, -heck, I did my PhD on them (oh, alright, dogfish are very small sharks) but this Squid is another kettle of, er, fish (sorry!). And before any of you rational pedantic types point out that 900 meters is a very long way beyond SCUBA diving depth, let me say that it doesn't matter. They are down there and they are waiting...

Apologies

Once again I must apologise for the light blog. unfortunately the lot of today's biopharmaceutical scientist is as much about raising money as it is about doing experiments (or at least supervising them). There is a saying that goes along the lines of "...world class research requires world class spending..." Too true although I'm inclined to think that generating one's own funding is the only sure way to stay employed in this day and age. So this is why I'm now working day and night to meet two huge grant deadlines due on October 12. Until then it's going to be a bit a of a white knuckle ride and blogging is going to be patchy until then.

Gloom

Sky Television hits the nail on the head!

As I write Hurricane Rita is about to hit the coastline of Texas and the patched up walls of the New Orleans levee that were breached so catastrophically by Hurricane Katrina two weeks ago have already ruptured. I feel depressed by my powerless as I watch, with morbid fascinatiation, this next disaster unfolding on TV. I'm now resolved to join the Federal Emergency Management Agency as a Citizen Volunteer.

The epic incompetence and cluelessness that we have witnessed in the Country's leadership over the past two weeks is just beyond the pale. But then what can be expected from a President who has to ask his Secretary of State if he can go to the toilet...?

Melioidosis

Well Dr Jim has done it again. He quite correctly named this week's bug as Burkholderia pseudomallei. This bacterium, despite its distinctive name, is somewhat off the radar screen of many European and US microbiologists. It is an inhabitant of South East Asia where it lives mostly in the soil. It causes a rather nasty disease called Melioidosis which is tricky to diagnose and treat. More recently it has been designated a "biothreat" pathogen as it can be used relativel easily as a an instrument of bioterrorism. Its cousin, Burkholderia mallei, which causes the disease "Glanders" has been used for this purpose, notably in World War 1. For my sins I'm working a project to develop an improved testing technique for Melioidosis and a vaccine will be the next thing on the list.

So another venti latte goes to Dr. Jim. He seems to have been cleaning up in this area recently so when he eventually comes to collect I'll have to insist, for the sake of his health, that this week's winnings are decaffeinated. Oh and I've got a couple more Spot the Bug candidates up my sleeve. The next one will be really difficult!

I must acknowledge the Sanger Institute for the micrographs which I, er, borrowed.

Spot-the-Bug Competition 4

Here are some very cool, colour enhanced, micrographs of a rather unusual pathogen. Last year I attended an international conference devoted soley to its study (see previous post). It causes a disease that is less common in the western world. Can anyone guess what it is? Clue: historically it has been used in biological warfare.

Answers on a (Haloscan) postcard, please. The solution will be forthcoming later this week. along with all due acknowldegements for the photos.

One Year Ago Today

Precisely one year ago I was sitting in the world-famous Raffles' bar in Singapore drinking a Singapore Sling -sorry about the poor quality of the photo but it's the best I could do with the silly so-called camera in my phone. The trip was more memorable than the drink which was nothing more than an overpriced, low alcohol, high sugar, synthetic cocktail ladled out to gullible tourists like me. But at least it's another thing checked off my list...

My reason for flying half the way around the world was to attend a conference dedicated to a single disease. As a direct result of this trip I wrote a research grant that was subsequently funded and now pays a good portion of my salary. Thus I have fond memories of this long journey, even though an engine fell off the airplane on the way. I'll elaborate a bit more in my next post and I'll also have a new "Spot the Bug" competition. Bet you can't wait...!

A Quick Comment

God Almighty, who dreams up things like this? While I have zero tolerance of rapists, I can't believe such devices will do much to protect women. My view is shared by others, it seems. A nod goes to Transcontatlantic Relations for the subject matter.

A Joke

I try to avoid re-hashing other people's jokes but I couldn't resist this one:

Q. What does George Bush think of Roe vs. Wade?

A. He doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans..!

...pause for cymbal crash...

Two Birthdays

My father, top left, as an undergraduate in the Trinity College Dublin boxing team, c1945.

Today I acknowledge and celebrate two birthdays.
The first is that of my Father, the late A.W.Morrow: scientist, athlete and gentleman. He would have been 87. Happy Birthday, Dad, I miss you and think of you every day.


John Roberts, top left, and self, as undergraduates in the University College Cardiff drinking team, c 1972.

The other birthday is that of my life long friend, John Roberts. By some coincidence, John is also a scientist (turned teacher), athlete (turned sportsman) and gentleman. Hard to believe that it’s been thirty five years since we were first supping beer in the Student Union at Cardiff University. Oh tempus fugit…

Season of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness

It's been a beautiful sunny September day in Seattle. The temperature has hovered around a very agreeable 20 degrees Celsius (that's 68 degrees Fahrenheit to die hard American adherents to Victorian measurement systems) but the air has that edgy coolness indicative of an approaching autumn season. As I drove along Alaskan Way the water of Puget Sound was flat calm and shimmered enticingly, the sky was azure blue and snowcapped Mt. Rainier jumped out of the near distance like a painted theatre backdrop. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera in the car so I've had to settle for filching this one (apologies to the anonymous photographer) which is not as spectacular. Never mind, -you get the idea. And if I carry on in this vein for much longer I'll end up reciting "Ode to Autumn"(it's ok Mr. Keats, I promise I won't...!).

Magic!

Oh joy, oh frabjous day! The England cricket team have, after a 17 year hiatus, beaten the much vaunted Aussies to reclaim The Ashes. Yipee! Congratulations to Michael Vaughan and his team for an amazing series. Special mention must go to Kevin Pietersen who raised his game to score his first century in Test cricket and thus enable the team to hold off the Australians, draw the game and win the series. Congratulations to all, I was riveted to streamed Radio 5 from the early morning (Seattle is 8 hrs behind the UK). And this on my Birthday too -it doesn't get any better.

Oh, apologies to my non-UK readers. I would try to explain the basics of cricket but past experience has taught me it's a fruitless exercise.

9/11 Remembered: Cousin Robert

From L-R: Barbara, Robert and Angela Eaton, Me, Laura Eaton (Robert's mum); December 26, 1981.

Sorry, I haven't felt like blogging for the past week. Something to do with the Hurricane Katrina catastrophe. But that's another story and I'll comment on another occasion.

Today I am remembering another awful occurrence that touched me personally. It's four years ago today since my cousin, Robert Eaton, lost his life in the North Tower of the World Trade Center. Unfortunately subsequent world events constitute an even greater tragedy. In any case, Robert, you will not be forgotten.

Peace!

The Self-Destruct Gene

This week the prestigious science journal, Nature, published the full sequence of the chimpanzee genome. As it happens the international team of scientists who performed the study was led by a group at my former institution, the University of Washington in Seattle. But I digress. The difference betweeen the ape and human genetic blueprint is quite small although so far the researchers have found no sign of a chimp equivalent of the human self-destruct gene. What's that I hear you ask? Well it's the gene that is found in homo sapiens and appears to be upregulated in times of stress. Its influence has been very much in evidence in the aftermath of the dreadful Hurricane Katrina. For example, when large numbers of individuals are threatened with starvation, exposure and disease what do they do to survive? Why they loot stores not for food and medical supplies but for televisions, beer and guns. There are even stories of aid helicopters being fired on. WTF is that about?

Sometimes I despair of the human condition and think we are doomed...

Pastafarians

Sketch of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Deity by Bobby Henderson

As I said on previous occasions, I mostly keep away from controversial topics on this blog however I can’t resist a post on the following “religious” matter:

Now that George Bush has announced that he thinks Intelligent Design should be taught in schools I’m starting to despair as to where this whole religion thing is going. For those of you not resident in the United States, Intelligent Design is nothing more than creationism in a party frock. However the school boards of some states want Creationism/Intelligent Design taught alongside Christianity in their comparative religion classes and dismiss evolution as ‘just a theory’. It comes with no surprise that Kansas is leading the charge. Now as a scientist I have to raise my hand and point out that evolution is not a theory but a pragmatically verifiable fact. I’m also tempted to point out that if Intelligent Design is behind the construction of the Universe why did we end up with the Kansas School Board?

Having said all this I’m reprinting the letter below from Bobby Henderson making a case for representation of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster that seems just as valid as Intelligent Design.

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.


In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Happy Blogging Birthday!

It's a year today since I tentatively submitted my first post to Blogger, mostly as a technical exercise to see if I could do it. Since then this column has taken on a life of its own and I've developed a kind of blogging personality as dictated by choice of topics and so forth. Some of this is guided by the fact that I don't write anonymously and so I won't criticise employers (goodness, I'd have some stories to tell if I did), I refrain (often with some difficulty) from bad language and I tend to steer clear of highly contentious topics such as politics and religion. There are too many great political writiers out there and in any case I've no wish to attract unwanted troll activity -life is abrasive enough already.

So in the past 12 months I've learned how to post photographs (Flickr, the host service I used tells me that I've used 200 in my articles), how to do some basic HTML manipulation and carry out Google bombing. I really would like to fiddle with the site a bit more but right now I just don't have time so I'm using one of the made-to-measure templates I found on Blogger. I've made 183 posts in the past 365 days and I seem to have a fairly regular readership, excluding the sad surfers who are looking for Sarah Beeny pictures. I've had 6,585 hits since I added the counter thingy, and all but a couple of hundreds of these visits have been since going public with the blog back in February with the Monte Carlo Rally reports.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all for visiting. Please continue to drop by and feel free to leave comments (preferably polite). Blogging over the past year has been an interesting, exciting and therapeutic process for me and I'll do my best to keep you entertained in the next 12 months.

My Cloning Experiment

My “8-year-old” is 21 today! Hard to believe it’s been over two decades since the Orwellian year of 1984 and I was a terrified father-to-be awaiting the arrival of a squealing infant. While I can state categorically that bringing up a child is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, all concerned seem to have survived the process with flying colours. And the process whereby the bawling blob (above) develops into an intelligent, reasonable and (on most occasions) a quite delightful human being (below) has been amazing to observe.

Happy 21st Birthday, Olivia!
(no, I'm still not going to buy you a sports car)

Mo Mowlam

Just a short note as my nose is applied firmly to the grindstone fixing my “Small Print” fiasco. I was saddened to read of the passing of former Labour politician, Mo Mowlam, earlier today. She was one of the genuine stars of the Party and will be remembered primarily as the architect of the Good Friday agreement. She brought about this remarkable achievement by listening to both sides and gaining their trust: a textbook study in conflict resolution. She had fought a brain tumour for a decade and eventually lost her battle at thetragically young age of 55. Her death comes less than two weeks after Robin Cook which is really too much.

Observations on Site Traffic

I've been monitoring my site traffic quite carefully since my "CNN Newsmodels" lark last week. Some odd things have been going on:

• On the day of the post my site traffic doubled
• None of the hits were due to searches for these CNN ladies although I had one today for Rudi Bakhtiar who seems to be everybody's favourite.
• I've had lots of hits from referring websites that seemed to appear in a three hour window. Many of these were Spanish and Portuguese and there was at least one about which I had no clue of the language used.
• None of these referring sites had linked "Mad Dogs and Englishmen"; this was very mysterious and I had no idea what was happening until today. I think Dawn at Webmiztris has figured it out and commented in her usual colourful manner. These hits were probably coming from people hitting the "Next" button on blogger. But why did this happen in a three hour period and why have I never seen it before or since?
• I've got a feeling there's spam in the air. The other thing I've noticed this week though thankfully not on my site, is spam appearing in the Haloscan comments.
  
• I'm still getting a steady trickle of individuals looking for photos of Sarah Beeny. Now listen you sad bastards, wander over to see Caratacus because for awhile at least he had posted some pictures of her naked although I can't speak for the authenticity of these shots!! Now no running and will the last person out please close the door...

Small Print about the Small Print

The Priest from Hans Holbein's "Dance of Death"(1528).

Today I received an ominous looking email entitled "format problems" from the Center for Scientific Review at the National Institutes of Health (NIH). On reading it through it appears that my plague grant application has been returned to err, plague me. Sorry. It seems that I have transgressed the rules of formatting and hadn't read the small print about the small print. While I'd used the correct font (boring old Times Roman) in the correct size (11pt), my line spacing was too dense (10pt instead of 11pt). I'd done this to comply with the page limit and made it by about half a page. The good news is that I've been given a week to re-submit. What a hassle. In all my years of submitting applications to NIH, I've never heard of such a thing. And it's not as if I'd reduced the document down to a microdot; it really does look quite normal and is easy on the eye. I can't believe that somebody has been so anal retentive they've actually measured, with a ruler, the number of lines per inch (I submitted hardcopy tree-ware). Oh well, nothing to do but knuckle down and fix it: the one thing I've learned over the years is that government bureaucrats are always right.

Oh, and one more thing. The last person to die of plague in Britain was a Mrs. Bug of Suffolk in 1913. Not many people know that!

Caveat Emptor

I've mentioned Henley Classic Minis in previous posts. My experience with them was unsatisfactory to put it mildly. Unfortunately I was reminded about their shortcomings by an email from a reader last week. Previously I had cited a link to Bexley Trading Standards describing the above prosecution. The page has now been removed but Bexley have sent me a copy of the press relaease pertaining to the matter so here it is for your perusal.

So if anyone is thinking about dealing with this company, I must emphasise the old saying caveat emptor -believe me the above horror story is just the tip of the iceberg. And should anyone want to discuss their situation with me, just drop me an email (wjwmorrow@yahoo.com)