Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!


Beautiful full moon over Bellevue, Washington, this evening.

I caught this lovely, eerie, full moon over Bellevue this evening. Now I'm checking to see if I've got hair growing on my hands...

Happy Halloween!

PS Note to my shutterbug readers: sorry about the fairly average snap but I was caught with just my phone (HTC One S) so this will have to do. 

A Chip off the Old Block

At the risk of appearing nepotistic, I'm going to recommend this as an entertaining way of spending five minutes. It would appear the girl can not only write but has a well-developed sense of humor too. Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Dorje



Despite my advanced age, I still like to listen to modern music including new and emerging bands.  I"m very aware that "my era" produced some of the most innovative and enduring rock anthems of all time but I have no intention of getting stuck listening solely to the likes of Cream, Zeppelin and Hendrix for the rest of my mortal existence. Recently, this jolly bunch from the UK caught my attention and are one of the best rock bands I've heard in a very long time. And they do ROCK! Dorje [dawr-juh] comprises musical virtuosos Rabea Massaad (guitar), Dave Hollingworth (bass) and Ben Minal (drums)  - the ensemble is fronted by the charismatic YouTube guitar guru, Rob Chapman (guitar, vocals).

Take a listen. In contemporary vernacular it's pure filth!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Laptop or Stovetop?

Here's a cautionary tale for laptop users (I would guess most readers of this blog).

One hot day, back in the summer, I noticed that the front of my thighs were sore.  Nothing awful but there was a pronounced tenderness in the region of my quadriceps muscles as I moved around. At first I  didn't think anything of it but the discomfort increased.  Twenty four hours later, both my legs were quite painful and eventually, when I could no longer ignore the problem, I pulled down my trousers to examine the tender spots.  What I saw was quite horrifying. The skin above my knees on both legs was vividly red and blotchy. Several blisters were evident: the left side was particularly bad. At first I was mystified  about the pathogenesis of these lesions (see Picture #1 below).  I cogitated on the matter for a bit.  Was it some strange bacterial infection?  A Staph perhaps or worse some horrendous, flesh-eating, bug (technically necrotizing fascitis caused by a Group A Streptococcus)? Possibly it was an incipient autoimmune condition such as pemphigus or even a T cell lymphoma.  I felt distinctly neurotic as my imagination ran riot. Sometimes it doesn't help to have a background in immunology/microbiology. And then the light bulb went on...!  The previous day(s) I'd done quite a bit of work on my laptop with the machine on my, err, lap. Generally I try to work with it placed on a desk as I'm very aware that extensive typing with a computer placed on one's knees leads can lead to postural problems (I have the chiropractor's bills to prove it). However for a number of reasons I'd been using the machine on my lap on this occasion. The computer in question is a 2011, metal-cased,  MaBook Pro with a 15" screen. It's quite powerful and its heart (or should I say brain?) comprises four Intel microprocessors clocked at 2.2GHz. All this grunt comes at the price of power consumption and heat is produced as a consequence. I'd noticed that the bottom of the Mac became quite warm after use.  But could it have been burning my skin without me noticing? I'd never had any problems with laptops in the past although they were invariably plastic case models and did not have the conductive problems of aluminum. Furthermore I'd never owned a machine as powerful as my MacBook Pro.

1. Author's left thigh above the knee. Large florid blotchy patches and blistering that  occurred after laptop use. The right leg was slightly less affected.



2. The temperature almost anywhere on the rear of the case exceeded 110°F.                                                                              

3. Around the rear left of the case, directly below the microprocessor cluster, the temperature approached and exceeded 120°F within a few minutes. 

4. Another temperature reading after being revved up for 3 minutes  with  YouTube usage or the video game "Rage". 120°F was achieved very easily and more intense provocation would probably generate temperatures in excess of those recorded here.


I fiddled around with the machine, deliberately trying to make it work hard by giving it demanding jobs such as playing big videos from YouTube and running various games. It did seem to get pretty hot. but was it enough to burn skin?  I had to be more objective so I purchased a small thermal scanner, revved  up the Mac again and took some readings. The results were surprising. The temperature at the bottom rear of the case was always well in excess of 100°F and went up to a peak of 120°F around the rear left side of the case, exactly below the microprocessor cluster (see photos).  The ambient temperature was 72°F (sorry for the use of Imperial units but the US is locked into it and regards the metric system with suspicion -if my little scanner had a built in Celsius readout, I couldn't find it).  Although I repeated the procedure a couple of times, I concede it wasn't a very scientific study but if anything the readings were conservative.  One thing is clear, however: the Mac gets bloody hot with just fair use and the heat is conducted very efficiently through the metal case.  The Burn Foundation states that a temperature of 133°F for 15 seconds will cause third degree burns so I'm pretty sure that a piece of metal heated to 120°F+ will cause tissue damage when pressed against skin for 60 minutes or more. I was wearing trousers when the injury occurred but thy were just light, summer weight, cotton chinos which didn't provide much in the way of insulation. Why didn't I feel the burn occurring? Well, in retrospect I did notice that the Mac was disagreeably warm and I moved it about a bit to mitigate the discomfort but at no time did I suspect it was causing a burn of any kind.

Anyway that's the story. Two, no three, months later my skin is still quite red and blotchy and I think will take the rest of the year to fully heal. I did mention the incident to a resident Genius in the local Apple Store and he pointed out that MacBooks aren't meant to be used on a lap even though they are universally termed "laptops".  There's an irony in this somewhere. Let the user beware: you have been warned! P.S. Note added two weeks after the initial post: I've just learned that my condition is a well documented phenomenon and is known as erythema ab igne or toasted skin syndrome. How I hate hindsight...!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Immunologically Speaking


As one of the longest, most expensive and certainly most toxic US election campaigns in history approaches its peak, I thought I'd share a scintilla of humour. As an immunologist, I've always loved this cartoon which I found many years ago and borrowed from the now sadly defunct  British satirical magazine "Punch" (May, 1981 issue). Somehow the depicted situation seems more relevant today than ever before; B cells, T cells, T bags...Oy!

Remodelling

OK, as you have doubtless noticed, I've had the decorators in. I'm not sure about the new look yet but the old template was definitely worn and faded. This one is fresher, warmer and has a retro feel. I seem to have lost a few of my old links  -not necessarily a bad thing as many were out of date and putting long lists of hypertext links on one's site looks "so 2005".  I'll restore one or two once I've figured out how to do the HTML again (damn, that was a chore last time) in the next week or so.  In the meantime please feel free to leave me feedback (preferably polite): I now have a "Comments" box again. The old one disappeared awhile ago with the loss of the Disqus free service and was actually the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of my tolerance for the old template.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

War Stories: The Spitfire Table


Old friend and noted furniture maker, Huw Edwards-Jones, has a table for sale. Now this is not like anything you'll find at IKEA or advertised on eBay. Indeed it's such an astonishing fusion of art and engineering that it caused me to emerge from my blogging hiatus to comment.  The table is essentially an authentically reconstructed nosecone of a Supermarine Spitfire -the iconic WWII fighter aircraft. It is constructed from many original parts of verifiable provenance. For example the propeller blades are numbered and Huw has a complete history of each airplane to which it was originally attached. The aluminium has been shaped to the original size and contours of a Mk IX Spitfire and is assembled using original fastenings. The exhaust stubs are genuine Rolls Royce Merlin parts (did any engine ever sound better than that glorious supercharged V12?) and the propeller and nose cone rotate noiselessly on a crankshaft bearing. The time from concept to completion was is excess of five years and the details of the table's construction can be found here.

I can say, honestly, that I've never seen anything like it: the construction is a work of genius and the overall effect is breathtaking. I should point out that Huw is not a common or garden chippy  - among other things he is Liveryman of the Worshipful Company of Furniture Makers and a Freeman of the City of London. This is kind of a big deal. First of all only 300 individuals are admitted to the Company, membership of which entitles him to herd sheep across London Bridge and "go about the city with a drawn sword, to be drunk and disorderly without fear of arrest, and if convicted of a capital offense, to be hung with a silken rope”. Handy stuff. I should add that Huw's portfolio is amazing and stewards of his furniture include members of the British Royal Family. 


So if you are thinking of a rather different Christmas present for a loved one or you feel your current dining table is looking a bit passé, why not consider acquiring this brilliant conversation piece and give Huw a call. Be warned though, he told me the parts alone cost close to £60,000 (let's say $100,000 US, give or take a bit) so it's not going to be cheap...!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Musical Postcards: Nearly Dan



The excellent, Seattle-based, Steely Dan tribute band, Nearly Dan perform, virtually note-perfect, the classic "Deacon Blues" at the Triple Door Theatre.

I'll learn to work the saxophone
I'll play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel...


Sounds like an epitaph for somebody.

Usual caveats about the picture and sound quality with a Canon point-and-shoot.

Monday, October 31, 2011

On the Waterfront




Phew, it's been awhile...! Anyway this clip, cobbled together by yours truly, is axiomatic. Just press the 'Play' button and enjoy. Many thanks to Paul Murphy of Claremont 56 records for permission to use the excellent album track by Almunia (if you like it, you can download it here).

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Lights, Camera, Auction

eb logo

The original post has been removed (possibly ordered removed) but this hilarious advertisment was recently posted on Ebay's UK site. Read right to the very end and don't contact me if you want to buy any of this stuff.


You are bidding on a collection of 50 (approx) 12" singles and LPs of crap music.


My sister found these in her attic last weekend, where they has been sat gathering dust for the last couple of decades. They used to belong to her ex-husband, who is one of the biggest arseholes ever to draw breath. I never liked the wanker, and based my initial antipathy towards him on his taste in music. Not to put too fine a point on it, he was that most contemptible form of pond life, a Jazz Funker. This meant that as well as shit taste in music, he had appalling taste in clothes too. Pringle jumpers, pleated Farrahs, shoes that looked like pasties, white socks, revolting shirts and a comical wedge-cut hairdon't. Add to this 80s fashion horrorshow a Ford Capri and Super Mario-style moustache underlining his bulbous nose, and you get an object lesson in twatdom. No wonder Northern Soul fans (and everyone else) treated the Jazz Funk fans with sneering comntempt.

I couldn't comprehend what on earth my usually sensible sister could possibly see in the pillock. In vain I pleaded with her to send him packing. My argument that his hankering for Earth Wind & Fire records and attendance at soul weekenders made him a poor choice of mate was waved away as the rantings of a callow youth. She felt my reasoning was unsound.

Reader, she married him.

He made her life miserable for a few years with his moping, moody belligerence (and playing horrendous records like these). He told her lies and generally behaved like a platinum c*nt. Then he dumped her for his mistress when my sister was four months pregnant.

It's now nearly 20 years later and I would still like to take a meat tenderizer to his face. But his most horrendous crime, worse than wiring up my granny's shower so it was electrically live, worse even than his infidelity or the awful way he treated my sister, was the fact that he actually liked the abomination known as Jazz Funk. Here is the evidence. What a bastard.

Well, I suppose I'd better tell you what's for sale, though why you would actually want to own this dreck is beyond me. It's basically music for people who have a deep-seated hatred of music and want to inflict their pain on the world. But here goes nothing.

First the 12" singles.

ARTIST A B Label No Comment Year Condition (visual)
Beggar & Co (Somebody) Help me out b/w Rising Sun Ensign ENYT201 1981 VG++
Bob James Sign of the times b/w Westchester Lady ; Tappan Zee CBS 1608 1981 VG
Central Line Nature Boy (full version) b/w Nature Boy (83 mix) ; You've said enough Mercury MERX131 PS 1983 VG++
Change Searching b/w Angel in my pocket WEA K79156 Company bag 1980 VG+, small WOL
Chi Lites feat Gene Record Have you seen her b/w Super mad (about you baby) 20th Centry Fox 2481 1980 NM
David Joseph You can't hide (your love from me) b/w You can't hide (acapella/Instr) Island 121S101 PS 1983 NM
Debra Laws On my own b/w Long as we're together Elektra 12529 1981 VG++
Eddy Grant Do you feel my love b/w Symphony for Michael, opus 2 Ensign 4512 Company Bag 1980 VG++
Eddy Grant Can't get enough of you b/w Neighbour Neighbour ; Time Warp Ensign ENYT207 Company bag 1981Ex
Fantastic Four Bring Your own Funk (BYOF) b/w Sexy lady (remix) Atlantic LV14 1978 NM
Galaxy feat Phil Fearon Dancing Tight (dancemix) b/w Dancing Tight (instr) Ensign 12ENY501 Co bag 1983 Ex
Gap Band Burn Rubber on Me (Why you wanna hurt me) b/w Nothin' Comes to Sleepers Mercury MERX52 PS 1980 VG+
Heatwave Gangsters of the groove b/w Someone Like you GTO GT13 285 1980 Ex
Johnny Bristol Love no longer has a hold on me b/w Til I See you again Ariola Hansa AHAD567 1980 VG++
Kid Creole & Coconuts I'm a wonderful thing (baby) b/w Table manners (remix) ZE 12WIP 6756 PS 1982 VG++
Level 42 Love Games (full length ver) b/w Forty two Polydor POSPX234 1981 VG+
Light of the World Time (remix) b/w I'm So happy Mercury MERX64 PS 1980 VG++
Light of the World I shot the sheriff (ext mix) b/w Painted Lady; A new soft song Ensign 4612 Co Bag 1980 VG+ small WOL
Love Unlimited Orchestra Lift your voice and say (united we can in peace live today) b/w My Fantasies Unlimited Gold ULGA 13 1496 1981 VG++
Lynx So This is Romance b/w So This is Romance (Rio mix) Chrysalis 2546 PS 1981 VG-
Machine There but for the grace of God go I b/w Get your body ready RCA PC1456
Co bag 1979 VG++
Melba Moore Love's comin' at ya b/w Let's go back to lovin' ; Love's comin' at ya (instr) EMI America 146 1982 NM
Odessey Inside Out b/w love's Alright RCA 266 1982 Ex
Patrice Rushen Never gonna give you up (won't let you be) b/w Don't blame me Elektra 12494 1980 VG+
Players Association Turn the music up (remixed disco ver) b/w Goin to the disco (remixed disco v Vanguard VSL5011 PS 1979 VG+
Roberta Flack Don't make me wait too long b/w God Don't like ugly Atlantic K11555 1979 NM
Seawind What cha doin' b/w I need your love A&M 7575 1980 Ex
Shakatak Brazilian Dawn b/w You Never Know Polydor POSPX282 1981 VG
Shalimar Dead Giveaway (ext ver) b/w I don't wanna be the last to know Solar E9189T PS 1983 Ex
Sharon Redd Never Give you up b/w Beat the Street (instr & vocal) Prelude 13 2755 1982 Ex
Sugarhill Gang Rappers Delight (long version) b/w Rappers Delight (short version) Sugarhill SHL101 1979 VG+
Yarborough & Peoples Don't stop the music b/w You're My song Mercury MERX53 1980 VG+
Unlimited Touch I hear music in the streets b/w In the middle Prelude PRL D 605 1980 VG+
Fantasy You're too late b/w You're too late (instr) Pavillion 4z8 6408 1980 VG+
Kid Creole & Coconuts Annie I'm not your daddy b/w You had no intention Island 6801 PS 1982 VG+
MFSB Mysteries of the world b/w Manhattan Skyline CBS TSOP 9501 1980 VG++
Kool & the Gang Let's go dancin' b/w Stand up and sing De Lite DEX9 PS 1981 Ex
Third World Dancing on the floor (hooked on love) b/w Who gave you (Jah Rastafari) CBS 1214 1981 VG+
Sharon Redd Can you handle it b/w Leaving you is easier said than done Epic 9572 Cobag 1980 VG++
Shakatak Dark is the night b/w I lose myself Polydor POPSX 595 PS 1983 VG+
The Whispers It's a love thing b/w Girl I need you Solar SOT 16 WOL 1980 VG++
Donald Byrd Love has come around b/w loving you Elektra 12559 1978 VG+
Roberta Flack feat Donny Hathaway Back together again b/w Only heaven can wait Atlantic 11481 1979 VG++
Now the LPs


ARTIST TITLE Label No Year Sleeve Disc Comment
Linx Intuition Chrysalis 1332 1981 No sleev VG
Level 42 World Machine Polydor POLH 25 1985 VG++ Ex two copies!
Earth Wind & Fire Raise CBS 85272 1981 Ex VG
Odyssey hang together RCA 13526 1980 VG++ VG+
Summer Flying Home Touchstone BBT 113 1979 VG++ Ex
Earth Wind & Fire I Am CBS 86084 1979 VG++ VG+
Earth Wind & Fire Best of vol 1 CBS 83284 1978 VG++


VG++



I mean, Shakatak for fucks sake. What a prick. And surely he must have realised that buying anything by Shalimar would open him up to ridicule. Even those bands' mothers couldn't bear to listen to that stuff. I know I couldn't. None of this is play graded, only visually. I just could not bring myself to dirty my stylus with this bollocks.

Boring stuff: - I grade conservatively, particularly when I don't like the records. Don't ask me to split this lot. You buy it, you buy all of it and pay the shipping. I'm not keeping it in my house any longer than strictly neccessary. For the same reason, no returns. I don't want it back. Shipping in UK is £15 because the weight is approx 10kg. I'm willing to ship overseas at cost, but it's likely to be expensive (maybe £45 in europe) and frankly this crap isn't worth the stamps. If you want to collect from Croydon, that's OK but I will look at you with a contemptuous sneer as you stand in my doorway, proving by your purchase that you are tone deaf and tasteless.

Good luck, and God help you for liking this drivel.

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Right Royal Affair

Di and Chuck

Nearly 30 years ago, on 29th July, 1981, I sat glued to a little television set in my flat in Finsbury Park, London, and watched Charles and Diana get married. Three decades have gone by in the twinkling of an eye. Now I'm awake in the middle of the night, 6000 mile from Westminster Abbey watching Prince William and Kate Middleton (a "commoner" -only in the UK can class stratification be so overt) take the plunge. These events seem to have an effect on me as here I am coming out of my blogging hiatus to comment. Curious as I'm not really a Royal fan; "go figure" as they like to say on this side of the Atlantic. Anyway these goings on have given me cause to reflect on the Then and Now.

In 1981, at the dawn of the computer age, Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister (I'm still traumatised) and Elizabeth II was Queen of the United Kingdom and Colonies (somethings never change). The country was reeling from race riots in Brixton and elsewhere. The Irish troubles were very prominent and IRA detainee, Bobby Sands, died while on hunger strike. Tottenham Hotspur won the FA cup in fine style after a replay (Yay, Ricky Villa!) and John McEnroe won at Wimbledon. The Specials' "Ghost Town" was #1 and Bob Marley's "No Woman, No Cry" was also in the charts (surely pop music really was better back then). On the technology front, Germany launched its TGV, Europe's first high speed train and IBM started producing the first PC. It wasn't a good year for assassinations: Anwar Sadat was killed in Egypt and attempts were made on the lives of Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II. Elias Canetti won the Nobel prize for literature -I bought Auto-da-Fé at the time and it still resides, unread, on my bookshelf. The first case of a peculiar skin cancer (Kaposi's Sarcoma) in a gay man was diagnosed in Britain, although other cases had been observed in California -little did I know that this disease was to keep me employed for many years after.

Since then the tragicomedy of the Royal Soap Opera proceeded in a way that could not have been made up. In other areas we've witnessed wars (Falklands, Gulf I and II, Afghanistan) and diseases (AIDS, SARS, H1N1, Mad Cow to name but a few). Technological triumphs have taken place in space (the shuttle, international space station and Hubble telescope), medicine (statins, Prozac, Viagra, anti-retovirals) and communications (FAX machines, personal computers, cell phones, the internet, iPods, email and Facebook). Global warming has worried us and the Irish Troubles largely ceased. Video games have kept us entertained to the point of addiction. Cars have acquired catalytic converters, crumple zones, computers and airbags. Football (soccer) has become a global marketing opportunity although cricket is mercifully (mostly) unchanged. Popular music now mostly consists of people I haven't heard of although fresh talent like Adele, Joss Stone and bloody Coldplay still emerges. Britain now has great food (it was never that bad) and the US makes good beer. London has acquired The Eye, the Erotic Gherkin, the Millennium Bridge and Dome, the Lloyds building, the Assembly building, Docklands, Canary Wharf, the Tate Modern and the Globe Theatre. Transport developments include the Jubilee Line extension, bendy buses (boo), bike lanes, Boris' bikes and congestion charges. Smoking, which was even permitted on The Tube back then is now banned just about everywhere including pubs, thank goodness.

Like it or not, William and Kate's wedding is the kind of event that causes reflection. I suppose this is a good thing -at the very least it's snapped me out of my blogging stasis. So today I'll put a small placemark in history as well as my own life events. I'm now looking forward to the next 30 years and wondering what the wedding of the Royal Couple's first offspring will look like and of course what will occur on the World Stage in the intervening years.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

On Sabbatical



It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes' powers of observation to notice the paucity of posts over the past year. The reasons for this slowdown are multifactorial and I'm not sure that even I understand them all. The simple fact is that after six years of fairly regular commentary, I no longer have the inspiration or inclination to produce copy with the same frequency as I did a year or so back. Thus I've decided to take a sabbatical until the summer. In this time I intend to pursue personal and business projects and maybe even take time to smell the roses. So thank you all, gentle readers, for your patronage of this site -I hope we can resume our relationship in the not too distant future.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Chimes at Midnight!

clock at midnight

Well there goes another one...

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Monday, November 01, 2010

Musical Postcards: Mumford & Sons

In previous posts I may have opined to the effect that contemporary popular music is inferior to that of my youth (60s and 70s). Well I went to see this lot in Seattle last week (Thanks, Olivia) an am delighted to report that they've gone a long way to redeeming this current generation's penchant for dire, milk-toast pop and heinous rap. Great job guys -keep up the good work. A brilliant concert all round.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Where There's a Will There's a Way

I'm excited. Soon I shall be going to see this production at Ashland Shakespeare festival:



"Shakespeare?" you ask. Well, yes. I should point out that the clip above is the stage adaption of this film (I'm not responsible for the wretched music that starts playing halfway through):



Still not getting it? Don't worry, it's a bit tricky. The second clip is from the film is Throne of Blood, by Akira Kurosawa and it's an adaption of the play in the clip below -a very entertaining film version of the original, if you see what I mean. Note that these last two clips are different interpretations of the same scene.



Brilliant or what...? Old Bill is great in any language!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Something Wrong with this Picture

Last summer I was going to the gym 2-3 times per week. This year I'm going to the physical therapist 2-3 times a week to fix the damage to my musculoskeletal system (L frozen shoulder if you must know) I incurred in last year's activities. According to my doctor, the problem should resolve in about a year whereupon I can go back to the gym. There's something strange about this cycle of events...!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Peter Alexander Greenlaw Quaife



Bass player extraordinaire with The Kinks. You really got us and influenced a generation of guitarists. Requiescat in pace.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Customer Service

Customer service flyer

Now here's an insight into some local salesmanship tactics. The other evening, sometime after 6.00pm, I was settling down to an early dinner when there was a knock (or rather a pounding) on my front door. I felt disinclined to answer as such intrusions are usually made by someone trying to sell me something. It may be a sign of the times but I can't remember when a friend or neighbour just showed up without giving prior warning. Anyway the knocking, or perhaps I should say hammering continued along with additional ringing of the doorbell. I was even more disinclined to answer but frankly disturbed by the aggressive nature of the intrusion. Later on I happened to go outside and noticed a flyer attached to my door. Across it was a hand written note -see above. Perhaps not the kind of sentiment that is conducive to customer relations in a depressed and competitive market! Interesting that the company concerned is hiring only people of the highest integrity.

PS Snark aside, hostile and abusive behaviour from frustrated salespersons with anger management issues is not acceptable. I informed the company concerned and sent them a scan of the above note. They replied that the individual in question was being invited to discontinue his employment. Ugh! No matter how rude, I don't like to see people losing their jobs. Overall I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Kyudo



Does anybody else like the look of this...?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Film Review: Saving Private Robin

Devotees of this site will be aware of my penchant for low-brow entertainment. Normally I don't complain when my pursuit of lowly art forms causes disappointment but on this occasion I'm going to make an exception. At the weekend I had a need to disengage my brain from reality and following the voice of my inner child, trotted off to see the latest remake of Robin Hood. It sounded great on paper: a failsafe historical plot with one of my all-time favourite boyhood heroes, a cast of stellar actors and a director with a terrific CV and a string of highly entertaining, well-made box office successes to his credit. As it turned out the whole was quite decidedly less than than the sum of the parts. The actors struggled with an historically absurd Francophobic plot that made Plan 9 from Outer Space look like an Oscar winner and relegated the Sheriff of Nottingham to a comic relief bit part. In general the whole production was turgid with cineamatic clichés, looked lazy and to this punter conveyed the impression that artistic direction had been more than a little compromised by too many glasses of after dinner cognac.

So, Sir Ridley, here are a few suggestions for future projects:

• Avoid those shaky-cam battle scenes shot through a blue filter to maintain aesthetic distance as they are getting more than a little old.

• Likewise is the overuse of CGI which do not suspend my disbelief.

• Find a location other than Bourne Wood for photographing battle sequences as the good people of Surrey are getting fed up with siege engines, Romans, Gauls, Visigoths, English yeomen, cavalry horses, sundry actors painted up in Kensington Gore as well as armies of cinematographic production people traipsing past their front doors every year or so.

• Don't use silly one-liners that are supposed to be movie industry in-jokes: they instantly kill the realism for which you are renowned. I didn't spend $10 to see something that looked like it was derived from "Men in Tights" or a production involving Kevin Costner...

• Don't be lazy and filch scenes from your peers (including Kurosawa and Spielberg) as we do notice and anyway you can do better than that...

I hope that helps a bit -please feel free to contact me if you need a consultant for "Alien Prequel"; my rates are very reasonable.

And finally (I do hope I'm not rubbing your nose in it) the all time gold standard for Robin Hood can be viewed below:

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Looks Like a Glazed Donut



Well for those of you who voted for them, I'd like to say (respectfully) that you have short memories. Well shorter than 13 years. And I hope you know your place. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off for a stiff drink...!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday Music Blogging: The Sensational Alex Harvey Band



I've been reminded of this jolly bunch in conversations elsewhere. The late great Alex Harvey and his sensational band -1970s British rock at its best. I saw them in Cardiff c1973. Excellent stuff!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

An Apple a Day

SJ

I've been a fan of Apple Computer since my first purchase of a "Fat Mac" back in 1985. Indeed said computer still sits in my basement although I think it will be awhile before before it becomes collectible enough for me to recoup the $2500 I paid for it 25 years ago. But I digress. Although I've never been a particularly early adopter (I've seen too many 1st generation products with major design flaws for my liking), new products from Apple always pique my interest. So last week I read avidly the specifications of the rumoured 4G iPhone at the online technology site, Gizmodo. This scoop was made possible not by a pre-release of the phone but by an unfortunate incident. Apple employee, Gray Powell, left his phone in a pub in Redwood City, California after a celebrating his birthday. The phone was found and despite some considerable effort to return it to Apple (the customer service dept did not appear to take the finder's phone calls seriously) it found its way to Gizmodo. $5000 exchanged hands and Gizmodo published a highly detailed technical analysis of the device. Apple's culture of product development secrecy is well known and it was a pretty sure bet that CEO, Steve Jobs, was not amused by these goings on. Apple duly wrote to Gizmodo and requested the return of the phone: Gizmodo complied promptly. Was this the end of the story? Hell, no. On return from dinner one evening earlier this week, Gizmodo editor, Jason Chen, found his house swarming with police from the multi-agency Rapid Enforcement Allied Computer Team (REACT). They had a search warrant, had knocked down his front door and seized Mr Chen's computers, digital cameras, servers and other equipment. Understandably, this heavy handed approach has caused lawyers to be involved and the outcome of the saga will probably involve a lot of litigation and millions of dollars. One thing is clear, don't mess with Stevie unless you want a fight...(vid below says it all: don't play it loudly at work or in the presence of children):

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Song Remains the Same

The UK's Independent newspaper reports that Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" is the country's favourite rock song. I have to confess, I've been quite partial to this ditty myself ever since I heard it back in 1971. Dinosaur music indeed! But there should be no doubt that the song is an enduring modern classic that has spawned a million covers and to the chagrin of guitar shop owners everywhere, the opening riff must have been copied by just about every garage band member on the planet. Some of these covers are in themselves near works of genius and I thought it worth mentioning them here:

First up is this neo-classical rendition by Australia's Benaud Trio which is possibly the most emotional version I've ever heard:


This interpretation by Dread Zeppelin is brilliant: a reggae band with an Elvis impersonator for a lead singer. What's not to like...?


If the Dublin-based Mexican duo, Rodrigo y Gabriela, ever come to Seattle I shall be sprinting for tickets. Attacking rock rhythms naturally convert to percussive flamenco guitar:


Any compilation such as this needs a jazz version: here's the amazing Stanley Jordan.


Australian tribute bands are the greatest. No spoilers here -I'll let this performance by The Beatnix take you by surprise:


And if your not impressed by any of this here's the definitive performance:

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Black Belt

Menkyo

My iaido shodan certificate (menkyo) has arrived. I think it looks rather fine and am quite proud. It felt like earning a degree which in some ways it was. A trip to the framers is warranted...

Thursday, April 01, 2010

A Place in the Sun -Sort Of

I need some time off. This place sounds nice (anybody remember 1977?):

sanser

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Streets of San Francisco

sf chase

Today is the late Steve McQueen's 80th birthday. Hard to believe he was only 50 when he skipped out to the Great Macho Dude Ranch in the Sky. It's also 42 years since the release of Bullitt, possibly the best cinematic car chase of all time. It never gets old and had quite an effect on me at the time; for awhile I started double de-clutching when shifting UP. This muscular technique sounds great in a muscle car with a high displacement engine but slightly silly in a 425cc, 2 cylinder, Citroen 2CV. And back in the 80s when I was a resident of San Francisco I failed quite miserably in an attempt to make my Pontiac Firebird jump down Chestnut Street (to be fair, I was probably 200 horsepower short of Mr McQueen's tuned and modified 6.4L fastback Mustang GT. I did however get pulled over by a policeman who gave me a lecture (fortunately no ticket) for chirping my tires...


Embedding codes for this YouTube clip are not published so to view click here.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Wearing of the Green

Racing Green

I was looking for a photo of something green to celebrate the day and I found this. Irish Racing Green? Well not exactly but it'll do. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody! And drive safely, too.

My thanks to either Chuck Goolsbee or Olivia Morrow for the photo and my apologies to both for not remembering who took it in the first place.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Debts of Honour

mf Michael Mackintosh Foot, 23 July 1913 – 3 March 2010.

I was very saddened to read of the death of one of my political heroes, Michael Foot, yesterday, at the grand old age of 96. He was an old style, Old Labour, politician of the highest integrity and a terrific intellectual. A was also a fantastic orator with great depth and unashamed campaigner for peace. He was not, unfortunately, a master of image management or snappy soundbites and was thus an easy target for the right wing media. A case in point was his choice of coat for a memorial service at the Cenotaph in 1981. Shame on them for their superficiality. Neither was he a miracle worker and when leader of Britain's polarised and fragmented Labour party in the early 80s, suffered a humiliating defeat. But he should be remembered as an inspirational politician of principal and courage. Requiescat in pace.

Friday, February 26, 2010

War Stories: The Douglas A26 Invader

As a long time enthusiast of historic military aircraft, I couldn't pass on a visit to the newly opened Lyon Air Museum on a recent trip to Southern California. Among the many excellent exhibits this WW2 vintage, Douglas A26 Invader light bomber stood out from the pack. The Invader mostly served in a ground attack role. It wasn't as pretty or as innovative as the iconic DeHavilland Mosquito from which it drew some inspiration but had great longevity. The US military retained the aircraft through the Korean and Vietnam wars and and was used by various airforces around the globe until the 1980s.

A26 Invader
Douglas A26 Invader beautifully restored and looking quite menacing with its black paint and shark's teeth nose.

A26 Poster
Poster from the exhibit. I'm not sure if you can see this but some of the forward firing machine guns were mounted in the cockpit by the co-pilot's (right seat) legs. Firing them must have been unbelievably noisy for the crew and the cabin would have become very hot and smoky.

Nose with bomb sight
Head on view of the plexiglass nose showing the famed Norden bomb site.

Missions
This particular aircraft survived 22 missions: its targets included three convoys and a train.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A Drop of the Hard Stuff


At dinner with some colleagues the other night I dredged up this memory from the recesses of my grey matter. Every word of it is true, honest.

Some years ago I was at Heathrow waiting to catch a flight to San Diego. It was Christmas and the airport had a festive atmosphere. I'd been extremely busy getting ready for my flight and the journey out on the Tube had been a scramble so I was looking forward to an hour of relative calm browsing mindlessly through the huge Duty Free shopping area. While I was shuffling around, a pleasant lady with a tray full of small plastic glasses containing amber liquid said,

"Would you care to try a Scotch, Sir?"

Now I wasn't shopping for whisky and rarely buy the stuff. Besides it was 11.00am and really a little early in the day. But then I told myself I'd been up most of the night packing, I was about to undergo an 8 hour time zone change and I could sleep on the plane. This was a time to relax. So I took one of the samples. It was fairly ordinary, cooking grade, blended malt. I knocked it back, thanked the lady and told her I wouldn't be buying a bottle.

"Oh", she said, "I have some much better stuff here, try one of these"

She produced another tray and I remember clearly it was Laphoraig of quite a decent vintage. But slamming back Scotch before lunch time is not really my thing and I hesitated...

"Go on" she said "you look a bit stressed, this will help you relax before your flight, and besides there's no obligation to buy anything"

It was hard to resist this logic. I agreed that I was a bit tense and accepted the second dram; it was much nicer than the first.

"I know what it's like" continued the lady, "I have a lot of stress at home"

"Oh", I rejoined, "why's that?"

"It's my husband, he's quite unwell", she said gravely

"What's the nature of his illness?" I asked, thinking I might offer some words of sage advice

"Oh, he's an alcoholic; would you like to try another?

I ran for my flight....


Sunday, February 07, 2010

Johnny Dankworth



So it's farewell to stalwart of British jazz, Sir John Dankworth who departed for the big-gig-in-the-sky yesterday. Sir, you were amazing, not only for your virtuosity on alto sax but for numerous compositions including the theme for The Avengers. Requiescat in pace.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Next Year in Monte Carlo

CDT
A shot of the Col de Turini in the Maritime Alps that towers above Monte Carlo. The mountain is known for a series of severe hairpin bends and is a notorious, classic stage of the rally. The photo here doesn't look too bad but imagine driving this route flat out, at night, with fog, snow and ice to contend with...car attrition is always high.

I suffered severe withdrawal symptoms by not competing on this year's Monte Carlo Historique. As I write, the competitors will be getting down to some serious partying in the Sporting Club and celebrating their victories or drowning their sorrows. All with have epic stories to tell. Next year Mad Dog rallying will be back with a vengeance. In the meantime here's a nice clip of Paddy Hopkirk (winner, 1964) and Rauno Aaltonen (winner, 1967) explaining why the Mini Cooper was such a good rally car as well as talking about the unforgiving nature of the Col de Turini.
And as Mr Aaltonen states (talking about the run over the mountain):

"Certainly we had many memorable moments...because if you don't have them you're too slow".

Precisely!

P.S. Despite the fact that Mr Hopkirk and Mr Aaltonen are now both in their seventies, they are still evidently certifiable maniacs when they get behind the wheel.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Tao Drummers


The Tao Drummers on stage performing an encore. Apologies for the shaky camera work but the audience were very mobile at this point in the proceedings and you can't expect too much from a hand held point-and-shoot. If you want a more professional view, take a look here.

If you've never seen Japanese taiko drumming before, I can highly recommend it. I saw this jolly troupe in Seattle last night. Occasional clowns, sometimes samurai, in part anime characters, always fantastically exciting musicians, they didn't fail to entertain for a second in their two 50 minute sets. Fantastic! Am I too old to take up drumming?

Friday, January 29, 2010

Rallye Monte Carlo Historique

E on CDT
A classic photo of the E type Jaguar of Merrick and Merrick in opposite lock across the top of the Col de Turini on the 1962 MCR. They appear to have driven over the mountain in the reverse direction from La Bollène Vésubie and instead of heading down to Sospel and back to Monte Carlo, look to be going straight ahead to Peira Cava and then facing the Col de Braus and the Col de L'Orme before getting any rest.

As I write, the Monte Carlo Historique rally has just started. This year, unfortunately, I am not seated in my trusty Mini Cooper at Reims waiting for the off. There are too many other things on my "to do" list. Even so, I feel left out and I don't make a good spectator. Next year Bill and I will be back with a vengeance. 2011 is the 100th anniversary of the event and it will be a serious party. And needless to say we expect to be on the winners' podium at the end!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Comments

I received this message in my email today:

"Haloscan is being shut down on: Feb 10, 2010. The Haloscan software and hardware is physically failing and we have no choice but to discontinue the service".

Another headache! I can revert back to Blogger's system which is clunky and not very elegant but I'll lose all the accumulated comments. Alternatively I can upgrade to Halo's replacement, Echo, which is a paid service and has, apparently, all sorts of stuff I don't want, like integration with social networking sites (!). My other choice is to ditch Blogger altogether and move the entire site to WordPress. This is a move I've been considering for a long time but involves a lot of fiddling and frustration (as I've said on several occasions, I should have paid more attention to the HTML class I took back in 1998). However WordPress offers visually stunning templates so the effort may be worth it. I'll keep you posted...


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Kate McGarrigle, RIP


I was saddened to learn of the passing of Kate McGarrigle yesterday at the all too youthful age of 63. While she performed throughout her life, the Canadian folk singer was particularly popular in the 70s and 80s and frequently played with her sister, Anna. So in honour of her memory, here's a clip of Kate singing with her sister, son Rufus Wainright, EmmyLou Harris and others, the lovely "Hard times come again no more".

Random Factoid: One one occasion, back in London in the 1990s, I practiced aikido with Kate's former spouse, the singer, Loudon Wainwright III.  He was passing through the city and visited the dojo. He was pretty good as I recall.

Friday, January 15, 2010

So U Think That 2?

Despite a few reservations about both their music and antics in recent years, I posted a YouTube clip of U2 a week ago as I thought it was appropriate for a New Year greeting and besides I quite liked them in the early 80s. However Ohara, Andrew and Chuck have expressed reservations about my choice and I've noted rancor and discontent expressed by other writers. A more systematic search of the interweb has revealed a very large number of individuals for whom this band represents the musical equivalent of chewing aluminium foil. I have thus compiled a list of reasons why Bono and the Boys are not everyone's favourite combo. Here are 10* that I find the most amusing:

  1. They still haven't found what they're looking for? Would it kill them to ask someone for directions?
  2. "The Edge" sounds like a disposable BIC product.
  3. In the name of love? How about in the name of God?
  4. Bono is an anagram of Nobo, Noob, and Pompous Dickhead.
  5. Bono would take a meeting with Pol Pot if it would get him on the BBC.
  6. James Joyce counseled his fellow Irishmen to adopt "silence, exile and cunning." In Bono's case, we'd have settled for the silence.
  7. The Edge actually calls himself The Edge (hahahahahahahaha).
  8. Bono’s sunglasses look like those hideous disposable things the optometrist gives you after a pupil dilation procedure.
  9. When they write lyrics like "Freedom has a scent like the top of a newborn baby's head", I’d rather take oppression.
  10. Their shameless hawking of high-end electronic products from Blackberry and Apple is inconsistent with their image of anti-enstablishment rockers.
*This compilation is from various diverse sources, my apologies for not acknowledging each one individually. Also note these views are not necessarily my own so please don't send me hate mail.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Climate Change

Camellia

I don't want to sound smug but while the UK and large portions of the US have become tracts of permafrost interspersed with snowdrifts, here in Seattle the weather is unusually mild. This Camellia bush in my garden has been in flower since New Year's day -about a month earlier than usual. I like the idea that Spring is just around the corner...

Friday, January 08, 2010

Friday Music Blogging: U2



U2 are not my favourite band but this song is is a classic from their early period and it seems appropriate for the first official post of the 2010.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Noughties: a Decade in Review -Sort Of

London Fireworks
Fireworks on The Thames: New Millennium Eve 1999

I spent New Year’s Eve, 1999, by the Thames at Tower Bridge, London. It was a great party attended by seemingly millions of pleasantly inebriated people. I drank champagne, let off fireworks in St Saviour’s dock, counted out the old year and looked forward with eager anticipation to the New Millennium. The year 2000 eventually arrived along with much merriment and fusillades of fabulous fireworks. As a slight disappointment, the much trumpeted “River of Fire” did not apparently materialize and to my considerable relief, neither did any panicky phone calls from work with the dread news that the Millennium Bug had struck and the lab (or worse, The World) was in meltdown.

Now, ten years later, I feel that those two emotions, relief and disappointment, heralded the "Noughties" (dreadful word). The decade was been dominated by 9/11, subsequent military engagements and a trans-global theo-cultural conflict that will not be resolved until everybody learns to talk to each other and renounces violence as a problem-solving technique. Relief came from the fact that no one actually deployed weapons of mass destruction and geopolitical matters could have easily been a lot worse. Disappointment because things could have been a lot better.

Instant Information
As well as conflict, the Noughties were surely the era of instant information. With ever increasing access to more and more powerful personal computers and broadband connectivity, we witnessed the advent of Google, Wikipedia, Facebook and other social networking sites, blogs (ha!) and micro blog feeds such as Twitter. Just about anything could be sold on eBay and Craig’s List while on YouTube video clips of all manner of interesting things could be found (not to mention a vast load of rubbish).

Gadgets and Technology
All sorts of new technical gadgetry appeared: USB flash drives killed off floppys disks and ZIP drives (can anybody tell me what to do with the case load I have in my basement?), iPods destroyed the Walkman, downloadable digital music files have nearly wiped out the CD and only people of a certain age remember record shops. Electronic readers such as Amazon’s Kindle hope to do a similar thing to books, newspapers and magazines. Curiously vinyl records have made a bit of a comeback, although I can’t imagine why. Digital cameras have become disposable consumer items and we said goodbye to Polaroids and much of camera film. While in the nineties, the mobile phone became ubiquitous, the Noughties saw the introduction and widespread adoption of the smartphone with the charge being led by Blackberry and Apple. As individuals we are now always expected to be accessible and being out of town or out of the country is no excuse for not answering emails. Texting has become so popular that laws are being enacted to prevent individuals indulging in this form of communication when driving (ssshh, but I recently saw an email that the author had written while driving: do NOT try this at home). Furthermore these SMS messages have given rise to a whole new language that is entering common usage. Lord only knows if the apostrophe will survive until 2020. The almost universal incorporation of digital cameras in mobile phones gave rise to a vast population of budding paparazzi with just about any public event being filmed and sent around the world. And not only pubic events were captured; “sexting” became an official new word and if you don’t know what it means just ask Tiger Woods!

Moore’s Law continues to hold true and it’s interesting to note that more computer power is contained in an iPhone than on the Apollo spacecraft that went to the moon in 1969. A few FAX machines are still around as are landline phones but I doubt either will survive another 10 years. Wi-fi, Bluetooth and other forms of wireless connectivity are so common, I fear for the safety of our bone marrow. I don’t miss wires, though!

Television is bewildering. Bulky cathode ray tube sets have disappeared and now everybody seems to possess a digital, high definition, plasma/LCD/LED widescreen TV screen fed with an almost unlimited number of channels, Blu Ray DVDs, hard disks and TiVO. Gone are simple VHS tape recorders and video rental stores -the latter given the coup de grace by any number of download services. Unfortunately, despite all this technology, the quality of programming has declined and the Noughties saw the emergence of reality TV. I don’t understand the popularity of this dumbed down entertainment. It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with reality but then maybe I’m showing my age…!

It was no longer enough to have an FM radio tuner (especially in one’s car) -it had to be digital satellite radio and preferably in high definition. As yet I’ve avoided both these items. Furthermore I’ve noticed a trend for car manufacturers to advertise their products as having music servers -I anticipate a lot more of this kind of thing in the next decade. GPS navigation systems or "SatNavs" as they like to say in the UK, went from being high-end luxury accessories to relatively inexpensive consumer items. They really do work (I confess to owning one) but I fear that map reading will become a lost art.

People
Sadly we said goodbye to quite a few luminaries. Musicians who played their coda in the past decade, include Michael Jackson, George Harrison (The Beatles), John Entwistle (The Who), Syd Barrat and Rick Wright (Pink Floyd) Johnny Cash, Bo Diddley, Luciano Pavarotti, Isaac Hayes, Perry Como, Peggy Lee, Herbie Mann (jazz flautist), Nina Simone and Les Paul.

From theatre and film Patrick McGoohan, Marlon Brando, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Patrick Swayze, Charlton Heston, Sir Peter Ustinov, Heath Ledger, Christopher Reeves, Paul Newman, Sir Alec Guiness, Sir Paul Scofield, Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, David Hemmings, Katharine Hepburn, Cyd Charisse and James Doohan (Scotty in Star Trek) acted their finale. Michelangelo Antonioni and Ingmar Berman directed their ultimate productions.

From literature Saul Bellow, Hunter S. Thompson, Arthur C. Clarke, Harold Pinter and John Updike wrote their last chapters.

Among the world at large Pope John Paul II got promoted, architect of the Northern Ireland peace process, Mo Mowlam, along with US Presidents Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan as well as that great old Lion of the Left, Ted Kennedy, all went to the great-parliament-in-the-sky. Princess Margaret and Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother reminded us that even The Royals are mortal. Yasser Arafat who survived all manner of disasters and physical violence succumbed to a mystery disease in Paris, the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi transcended and it was checkmate for Grand Master Bobby Fischer.

Words
We saw a lot of new vocabulary. Computing brought us gigabytes, terraflops, Web 2.0 and enhanced reality. Climate science gave us global warming and carbon footprint. Medicine and microbiology gave us SARS (which came and went) and the molecular nomenclature for naming flu strains H1N1, H5N1 etc as well as bioterrorism. Social trends gave us the Chav and ASBO (which for now appear to be a uniquely British phenomena). Banking, unfortunately, gave us toxic assets as well as providing the concept that entitlement to reward, in the form of six figure bonuses, is an inalienable right, even if said bankers have, through a process of incompetence and greed, rendered the economy into such a moribund state that it required a massive injection of taxpayers’ money (many of whom lost their jobs, houses and credit ratings along the way) to sort it out. I guess capitalism is fine while profits are being made but when it come to losses, socialism is preferable.

Summary
I could go on but I think I’ve said enough and further ramblings may require me to take medication. In summary, I suspect we’ll look back on the Noughties and remember it as an era when people still smoked in public places and air travel was a reasonably pleasant experience. If we haven’t reduced ourselves to radioactive white ash by then, please check back in 2020 for my review of the Teenies.

What We Did on Our Holidays. Part 5: Enter The Dragon

Dragons mouth
In the mouth of the dragon, Showa Kinen park, Tachikawa City, Tokyo

Oh my, it's nearly the end of the year and I really should put up a couple of posts before we enter a new decade (or is that next year?). Anyway, I've mentioned on a few occasions that I practice martial arts. I don't talk about it a lot as the techniques are arcane and meaningless to most people and somehow it seems undignified to bang on about and my expertise (or lack, thereof)*. However in 2009 I achieved a significant milestone in my practice. This is the last of my summer adventures in the "What we Did on our Holidays" series: here's the story.

My training in martial arts started when I was an undergraduate. Since that time I've followed "the path" in a somewhat discontinuous and haphazard manner and as a result am a great example of underachievement in terms of rank and physical skill. Nevertheless I have persisted over the years and more recently have been training in the art of iaido or sword drawing. Just over 12 months ago my Sensei (teacher) suggested that it would be appropriate for me to take the shodan (1st degree black belt) examination and that I should plan my preparations accordingly. The test would be held in Tokyo in September (of 2009) and I was quite elated by the prospect, so at the beginning of the year I began training in earnest.
J iaido 405
In training, c2007

While I thought I was capable of making the shodan grade, the reality was that I had something of a mountain to climb: every aspect of my technique needed extensive polishing as did my mental conditioning. Furthermore my equipment needed fettling and my uniform was sub-standard. Iaido puts an emphasis on quiet grace, confidence and absolute correctness of form. Thus sub-optimal appearance, posture and deportment is judged negatively. And so around the beginning of 2009 I began a programme for systematic improvement of all these facets of the art.

At first glance the grading requirements appear quite straight forward. Perform five out of a set of twelve standardised kata or forms as directed by the All Japan Kendo Federation (ZNKR) within six minutes. But this to be done with precision and style in front of a panel of four hachidan (8th dan masters -supremely accomplished individuals) at the mecca of martial arts, the Tokyo Ayase Budokan hall. Very cool: but what sounded like a straightforward task at the beginning of the year became an increasingly intimidating prospect as the test approached.

I increased my formal training to three times a week -this included at least one session of intense personal instruction from my Sensei. I took copious, detailed, notes (something very new to me, even after years of training) and even tried practicing with a metronome to get the correct rhythym and timing (for those who are interested in the technicalities of all this, 66 beats per minutes is about right).

As Spring approached, I realised that I needed to improve my physical conditioning. I thus embarked on a supplementary gym regimen that involved cardio training, weights, yoga, balance exercises, core routines etc. My trainer was Michael Schauble, who was not only an outstanding football and track athelete in his college days but also Washington State taekwondo champion. With his martial arts background, Michael very quickly picked up on what I was trying to achieve and designed a custom set of exercises for me.

So with physical training of some type going on every day, I continued other preparation at home. I reviewed videos of the techniques, purchased a new de luxe uniform with a nice secure obi (belt) and organized my equipment. My Sensei lightened my sword by more that 100 grammes (no sense getting a repetitive strain injury -I spent half of 2008 in acupuncture for tendonitis) by swapping my lovely wrought iron tsuba (hand guard) for a plain but much lighter aluminium item. I carefully added some decorative patination with a Dremel tool and finally treated the sword to a new silk sageo (retaining cord) that matched my obi.
tsuba.JPG
This lovely tsuba was replaced with a more prosaic but much lighter and more functional item
Overall the preparation and training took on the feel of a full time job; this was no hobby. September arrived astonishingly quickly. I was feeling somewhat nervous but eager for the trip. The flight to Tokyo was long and uneventful and my dojo mates and fellow test candidates and I arrived at our hotel on a Wednesday evening. We had dinner and turned in: we had two full days to polish our techniques and get over the jet lag before the ordeal of the test. Our Sensei had arragned for us to practice in the Tachikawa City Municipal kendo dojo. The building had a very nice, traditional ambience and after several prctice sessions over the next 48 hours I was as ready as I could be.
John at Tachikawa Shrine_2
At the Tachikawa Shrine, September 2009

The morning of the test arrived. I got up early, took a long hot bath, arranged my equipment and lightly oiled my sword. I didn't want to feel rushed or harried. In iaido composure is everything and I tried hard to be internally quiet. It also happened to be my birthday which I felt was auspicious and this gave me confidence.
Gear
Fresh uniform and equipment carefully laid out and checked on the morning of the examination

Our group made its way across Tokyo (the public transport system must be the most efficient and orderly in the world) and arrived with time to spare at the Budokan Hall. The doors were not to open until 9.00am and by the time we were allowed into the building there must have been several hundred iaidoka waiting outside. I've never seen so many swordsmen (and women) in my life. I duly registered at the front desk and presented my essays (formal writing on theoretical aspects of iaido is part of the test) and found a place to get dressed. With around 500 students testing at various levels, nobody bothered with the changing rooms and space was at a premium. I pulled on my uniform: Sensei was there to ensure our sartorial elegance. While shodan ranking semed like a lofty goal, it's the most lowly of the yudansha (black belt) ranks and the examiners conduct these tests first. My number was called quite quickly: I bowed to my group of fellow examinees and lined up on the edge of the arena. At the command of "Hajime!" (begin) I started my kata. I began a little anxiously and then muscle memory took over. This was certainly no time to be thinking through techniques. Then it was all a blur. Even immediately after the test I could remember very little about it other than (i) I'd slightly over oiled the blade of my sword and I was very conscious that I had to be careful not to lose contact with my left hand on the noto or re-sheathing movements (ii) my super new hakama (voluminous pants worn by certain martial artists) was about 1" too long and I should avoid tripping over it at all costs and (iii) the candidate in front of me was performing way too quickly and I felt very confident that I could complete the test safely in about five-and-a-half minutes of the six minutes allowed (if this time is exceeded, the candidate will fail: no clock is visible and practitioners must use their internal timing to gauge the duration of their performance). And then, after almost a year of training, it was all over. It retrospect it seemed like the blink of an eye. There was nothing to do but hang around and wait for the results to be posted.

Fortunately we weren't kept in suspense too long. The results were tacked up as each rank block was completed. I had passed along with most of the shodan candidates although it is worth noting that the failure rate became quite severe around sandan (3rd degree black belt). I was now a black belt in a traditional Japanese martial art. I'd finally accomplished an important objective and was elated. Now it was time to celebrate before facing the long trip back to Seattle.
Happy
Outside the amazing Ayase Budokan hall, happy in the knowledge that he is now part of The Dark Side

Post Script. So now, nearly four months after this test, it's important to retain a sense of perspective. Attaining the rank of 1st degree black belt does not make me any kind of expert. It's simply a demonstration of basic competence in the art. Many practitioners refer to it as an "official beginner" -the point at which real training and understanding starts. But more than this, rank is just an artifical system of categorizing students. The objective of training in a martial art is training per se and not material achievement. Nevertheless it's nice to have got to this point and at least I know that I will never again have to change my belt colour. Finally, I must acknowledge all the efforts of my martial arts teachers, particularly those who have instructed me in sword techniques. These include Sensei T.K. Chiba, Dee Chen, Len Bean, Aniceto Seto, Tatsuhiko Konno, Pat Murosako and notably Jonathan Bannister, Kaicho of Tsubomi Dojo, Seattle, who spent a year preparing me for this extraordinary trip to Japan. I must pay tribute to the memory of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei: I saw him give a demonstration of iaido in the UK, c1971, and I've been fascinated by Japanese sword arts ever since.  Domo arigato gozaimashita!

*As I write, I'm thinking that some of my stories from this long journey are worth few column inches of blog so if you are interested, watch this space.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas!



Compliments of the Season to All!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Fivolous Friday: The Flying Finns

Just a quickie today. I've borrowed the idea from Chuck Goolsbee. It's a YouTube clip of Finnish rally drivers attempting deforrestation with their cars. Be warned, the wholesale destruction of some classic machinery, not to mention trees, telegraph poles and spectators, is sometimes hard to watch. But I guess this is what happens when you live through winters where there are only four hours of daylight every day. To avoid depression you can either drink industrial strength potato vodka or go rallying. Having seen Finnish rally drivers attack stages at 11/10 in the most atrocious conditions I confirm that they are fearless maniacs when it comes to competitive driving. Timo Mäkinen and Rauno Aaltonen were both products of this system. By the way, did you notice that the only car to come through that carnage unscathed was a Mini Cooper…? Enough said, enjoy the clip.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Side Bar Tidy Up

I've just had nother of my periodic clean ups of the side bar menu and removed a number of dead links. Caratacus has gone as have Jon Swift, Larry Ayers, Mingshi's Kendo and Green Ink. All have stopped blogging, apparently. The Postman has gone private. Guy Fawkes has taken himself off to another site which I can't be bothered to find. Wonkette has gone too wacky since Ana Marie Cox left. Iraq War News seems a little out of date. Lab Rat has closed his site and is now writing for Nature magazine and Tangled Bank has petered out. A few others are looking precarious but I'll leave them alone for now. I'll be happy to reinstate anyone who reappears or feels that I have been unjust.